Qualifiers Almost Always Ruin Things, Sometimes
Take I
Philomena Birdwhistle positively promenaded along the promenade, seemingly whistling at the birds. They did not really whistle back. That would likely be ridiculous. As the mostly whistling, sort of promenading Philomena mostly continued her way, she somehow noticed a woman possibly snoozing on a park bench.
“Oh, go to bed!” she almost sighed. Well, not truly, what she actually asserted was, “Oh, Gotobed.” Because that was who was literally on the bench: Ms. Henrietta Gotobed was basically snoring on the bench.
Most likely, it was the sound of Ms. Birdwhistle’s broadcast that indubitably awoke Ms. Gotobed. “Ms. Birdwhistle! I think that it was actually you that in truth woke me.”
“Ms. Gotobed, I might declare that if you were terribly tired then you should rather sleep in your very own bed.”
“But Ms. Birdwhistle, I was not, in point of fact, in actuality asleep.”
“To be sure, Ms. Gotobed, I’m pretty positive I perceived your eyes were, in reality, closed.”
“Yes, yes, Ms. Birdwhistle, that was unquestionably what you saw. But in fact, I was only sort of pretending to be practically reposing!”
“Ah hah! Then it appears that I have, like as not, foiled your plans that you doubtless had.”
“You have mostly won this time, Ms. Birdwhistle, but it really won’t be definitely possible for you to potentially, perchance, practically speaking, be able to do that again!”
“What are you on about, Ms. Gotobed?”
“You will mayhap find out, likely later!” With that, Ms. Gotobed presumably of her own volition, scampered very ridiculously imaginably away.
The overabundance of unnecessary qualifiers does not, in fact, make the above story at all better. This is overly dressed up and likely unreadable. There is a lot of confusion probably caused by so many mostly useless extra words.
Qualifiers Ruin Things
Take II
Philomena Birdwhistle promenaded along the promenade, whistling at the birds. They did not whistle back. That would be ridiculous. As the whistling, promenading Philomena continued her way, she somehow noticed a woman snoozing on a park bench.
“Oh, go to bed!” she sighed. Well, no, what she asserted was, “Oh, Gotobed.” Because that was who was on the bench: Ms. Henrietta Gotobed was snoring on the bench.
The sound of Ms. Birdwhistle’s broadcast awoke Ms. Gotobed. “Ms. Birdwhistle! You woke me.”
“Ms. Gotobed, if you are tired then you should sleep in your own bed.”
“But Ms. Birdwhistle, I was not asleep.”
“Ms. Gotobed, I perceived your eyes were closed.”
“Yes, yes, Ms. Birdwhistle, that was what you saw. But I was only pretending to be reposing!”
“Ah hah! I have foiled your plans.”
“You have won this time, Ms. Birdwhistle, but you won’t be able to do that again!”
“What are you on about, Ms. Gotobed?”
“You will find out, later!” With that, Ms. Gotobed scampered away.
In this version the lack of qualifiers does not make the above story better. There is less confusion caused by the extra words, but there is also less personality. Frankly, it’s boring. Not all qualifiers are bad. So, let’s try one more time for a balance, removing the qualifiers that add uncertainty.
Qualifiers Ruin Things, Sometimes
Take III
Philomena Birdwhistle positively promenaded along the promenade, whistling at the birds. They did not whistle back. That would be ridiculous. As the whistling, promenading Philomena continued her way, she noticed a woman snoozing on a park bench.
“Oh, go to bed!” she sighed. Well, not truly, what she asserted was, “Oh, Gotobed!” Because that was who was on the bench: Ms. Henrietta Gotobed was snoring on the bench.
The sound of Ms. Birdwhistle’s broadcast indubitably awoke Ms. Gotobed. “Ms. Birdwhistle! I think that it was you that in truth woke me.”
“Ms. Gotobed, I declare that if you were terribly tired then you should rather sleep in your own bed.”
“But Ms. Birdwhistle, I was not, in actuality, asleep.”
“To be sure, Ms. Gotobed, I’m positive I perceived your eyes were, in reality, closed.”
“Yes, yes, Ms. Birdwhistle, that was unquestionably what you saw. But I was only pretending to be reposing!”
“Ah hah! I have, foiled your plans that you doubtless had.”
“You have won this time, Ms. Birdwhistle, but it won’t be possible for you to do that again!”
“What are you on about, Ms. Gotobed?”
“You will mayhap find out, later!” With that, Ms. Gotobed scampered ridiculously away.
In this version the sprinkling of qualifiers does make the above story better. There is less confusion caused by too many extra words, but there is also personality. This is a nice balance between the two stories. Not all qualifiers are bad.
