The Adventures of Ms. Philomena Birdwhistle & Ms. Henrietta Gotobed
I decided to have a little fun and at the same time make grammar, punctuation, and style rules more accessible to everyone.
Yes, I know I am an editor. I know these blogs should be free of mistakes. But here’s the thing; editors need editors too. And since I want this to remain casual, I am not asking someone to edit these before I post them. If you see a mistake and you think I just have to know about it, well comment away. I may even listen and fix it.
A Pickle for the Hatty Ones
My very favorite example of early punctuation and literary criticism is the 1797 masterpiece of Timothy Dexter. “A Pickle for the Knowing Ones [includes] a supplemental page of full stops, commas, and exclamation points: ‘Nowing ones complane of my book the fust edition had no stops’, explains the author. ‘I put A nuf here and thay may peper and solt as they please.’” So in honor of this work, please enjoy my story of A Pickle of the Hatty Ones. Punctuation included at the end for you to fill in as you please.
They Like Big Words and They Cannot Lie
“Dearest Ms. Gotobed. I ascertain that my vernacular comprises multifarious colloquialisms which might engender others to conjecture that one as myself is less than sagacious.”
The Ladies Go to a Ball
Ms. Philomena Birdwhistle had a bee in her bonnet. She had received an invitation to a grand ball coming up in just two days, but she had nothing to wear. She knew that everyone would be dressed to the nines, and she wanted to look just as lovely. She would just have to burn the candle at both ends and sew herself a gorgeous gown.
Qualifiers Almost Always Ruin Things, Sometimes
Philomena Birdwhistle positively promenaded along the promenade, seemingly whistling at the birds. They did not really whistle back. That would likely be ridiculous. As the mostly whistling, sort of promenading Philomena mostly continued her way, she somehow noticed a woman possibly snoozing on a park bench.
Passive Voiced Mses. Birdwhistle and Gotobed versus the Active Voiced Dog
Ms. Philomena Birdwhistle was thinking about visiting Ms. Henrietta Gotobed at her little cottage near the beach. She did so enjoy her little visits, but she was thinking about whether this would be a good time for a visit.